their children’s feelings. They must feel what their children are feeling. Ginott believed: “Statements of understanding should precede statements of advice”(P44). He discouraged parents from telling children what they ought to feel, because that simply makes children distrust their feelings. He said kid’s emotions do not disappear when parents say, “Don’t feel that way,” He believed that while not all behavior is acceptable, all feelings and wishes are acceptable. Therefore, parents should set limits on acts, but not emotions and desires, because communication about emotions can serve as a way for parents to teach their children values.

　　　　　　Authoritative parents also expect mature, promote independence and appropriate behavior of children. They teach children to calm down and focus attention. When they calm down, they can concentrate in finding ways to solve the problems. Psychologists say people are very easy to lose control when they get mad, so it is very easy to do wrong thing. For example, my son is ten years old. He is very easy to get mad or excited. When he gets mad, I don’t blame him. I know I have to calm down so that I can teach him to do so. I always tell him slowly and tenderly: “Can you tell me what’s going on? Maybe I can help you. Don’t worry. Mum is

　　here with you. Let me help you to find a good way.” Sometimes I teach him to do some exercise to relax. I teach him to do deep breath when he is mad. After deep and slow inhalation and breathing for five to six times, he feels peaceful and relaxes.　It really works. Learning to calm down and focus attention become increasingly important as the children mature. Learning to be calm also helps the child to concentrate in learning situations and to focus on the achievement of specific tasks. And, as a child grows, it’s extremely helpful for learning how to share toys. This skill can make a big difference in a child’s ability to enter new playgroups, make new friends, and handle rejection when peers turn away.

　　Although some people think authoritarian parenting is associated with school success, children from this kind family are often aggressive, fearful, and anxious and have weak communication skills, because parents have too many restrictive, punitive disciplines for their children to follow. They are also rejecting to children.　 My parents used authoritarian parenting in my family. There are three children in my family. My mother used the same style to us all. I don’t think it is best for parents or caretakers to use the same style, because different families have different children, even in the same family, children are different from each other. It’s better for them to use eclectic parenting style. We didn’t like authoritarian parenting, because we had no any opportunity to tell our feeling or argue. What we could do is “shut up” and “ follow my words.” According to John Gottman, “Family life is our first school for emotional learning” (P20). It’s true. All of us have developed into difficult emotional persons. Both of my brothers are over forty now.　They are really aggressive. They have problems in communication skills and fail to initiate activity. They also still use the same parenting to educate their children now. Especially my second elder brother, his family has lots of problems just because of his

　　temper. He often jells to his children and fight with his wife. I am timid, fearful and have weak communication skill, too. I am afraid to express my opinion in public. Though we are adults

　　now, we are all lack of confidence. We are still under the shadow of this kind of parenting and have influence to our kids. According to Goleman, families with authoritarian parents “seem unable to function well either because they cannot set guidelines, or because they do not pursue interests that involve places and persons outside the family" (P 39). This makes it more difficult for children to develop self-knowledge and diffe

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